Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I'm a bad blogger

With the help of Greg, I think I'm finally coming to terms with not having children. After spending most of my 20's not wanting children, I didn't think infertility would bother me. The one year mark is approaching and I do know what that means, as does Greg. He doesn't voice his disappointment like I do. Sometimes I hate this because it makes me feel very alone. Greg just keeps telling me all the good things we could do in life if we don't have children.

After looking at our options (adoption, tests, etc.) it doesn't appear that having children will be part of our life together. We can't afford adoption and even if we could afford the tests, IUI, IVF... I don't know if we'd do them.

We are blessed in so many ways. We live in our dream neighborhood, I work in the best district in the state, Greg hasn't had any secondary health problems from UC, and our dogs are great pups. I just hope I'm not focusing on what is good to compensate for what I am missing. Soon it catches up to you and it can be more devastating.

My doctors have been telling me stories, some are their own stories, of it taking a longer time to have the first child. I guess there is some comfort in that.

I am not good at blogging and I don't know if anyone follows this. Seems like people only follow your blog if you have children or have a family that consists of more than you, your spouse, and a few dogs. I suppose a DINK's life is pretty boring, and I can't blame them.

I must collect myself and go to work.


Hayley said...

i follow you. and i enjoy the blogs that are more than just a cute baby picture way more. i like some piss and vinegar, kate & heaven only knows you've got plenty of that.

i'm sorry this isn't working out for you the way you want it.

Heather said...

I follow you, too! And I also have a blog that is about me, my (soon-to-be) spouse, and a couple dogs only. And it's fun. And it can be a release of sorts.

I am sorry that things aren't going to way you hoped as far as making a baby. Maybe that is in your cards and maybe there is something a bit different, or grander, or... something in your cards. I don't know and I don't know how to give advice that doesn't sound canned or annoying. So, I'll just say I like hearing from you and would be happy if you kept up the blog.

Take care, lady.

P.S. Sounds like you have a heck of a husband, by the way.